When I Feel “Off”

This morning I felt a bit "off", nothing major, just not quite right. A bit off balance, a bit shaky, a bit besides myself. No idea why.

This isn’t unusual for me since the PTSD diagnosis, and it's been a

while since the last time. I normally just keep myself busy working or worse still doom scrolling whilst all the time thinking that what I really need is some comforting, reassuring human connection or a cuddly puppy at least.

I used to think I needed a relationship for this, or maybe a cuddle with a

good friend, but that’s the thing – whilst all of those things can be great, often we only have ourselves in that moment.

I spend a lot of time alone, mostly by choice, and yes, there are a few things I miss occasionally. Touch is the main one.

According to an article published in The Journal of Clinical Nursing (2020) ‘When touch is limited or eliminated, people can develop what is termed touch starvation (Pierce, 2020) or touch hunger (Mortenson Burnside, 1973).

Yes, I enjoy conversation, yes, sharing a walk is great, but when I haven't had any warm human touch, my nervous system shuts down and my body physically aches when I haven't had some sort of nourishing human touch for a while. (Ive noticed it's about 10 weeks before the pain starts) and its not just me, it has a name: Touch Hunger – its effects can be devastating to long-term wellness.

According to an article published in The Journal of Clinical Nursing (2020) ‘When touch is limited or eliminated, people can develop what is termed touch starvation (Pierce, 2020) or touch hunger (Mortenson Burnside, 1973). Touch hunger impacts all facets of our health and

has been associated with increases in stress, anxiety and depression (Pierce, 2020)’.

So what can we do about it when we live alone?

Firstly, just know that ironically, we are not alone in living alone.

Isolation is at an all-time high in the UK, with 20% of people over 50 living in isolation. Yes, for some its choice, others not so.

How can we get our touch needs met?

Firstly, we can learn how to self-soothe (more in another blog)

Secondly we can become part of a conscious touch community where safe consensual nourishing conscious touch and NSI ** has been recognised as essential to human health and well-being and where, through coming together with a shared intention and willingness to be present, honest, vulnerable we can learn to recognise and communicate what touch our bodies need in each moment, and develop the skills to ask for and offer it, within negotiated boundaries in the safe space.

And so imagine how it felt for me this morning when I was feeling a bit off, as one of the women in the community I'm in at the moment came to me, arm open wide in invitation.

A full frontal hug felt too much at the time, so I simply took her hands lightly, turned my back to her and put her arms on my shoulders.

She immediately knew what was needed of her, and willingly held me like that for 5 mins or so, until we began swaying gently together.

No words necessary, just invitation, consent and presence. This, my friend, is co-regulating the nervous system with like-minded open-hearted souls who practice Conscious touch.

If you recognise your own need for touch, or would like to know more, feel free to email us at connection@conscioustouchfoundation.org whilst our website is being developed.

‘When touch is limited or eliminated, people can develop what is termed touch starvation (Pierce, 2020) or touch hunger (Mortenson Burnside, 1973). Touch hunger impacts all facets of our health and has been associated with increases in stress, anxiety and depression (Pierce, 2020)’ *

*https://www. tmc.edu/news/2020/05/touch-starvation

** Non sexual intimacy ( see additional blog)

Sidtsara

The Conscious Touch Foundation